1 In this photograph you are
  a single parent soÂ
  never drinking alone.
  You and baby
  each with your bottles tipped back
  grin gaga into the lens.
  Your lover finds you hilarious.
  Your lover finds you worth
  looking after, even if they don’t
  realize how much danger you are in
  or who the threat to you really is.
2 In this photograph, you are
  reacting to the car horn
  ears pick up where eyes did not.
  Steps loose, hips swayingÂ
  three sheets to the wind.
  The baby is safeÂ
  with someone elseÂ
  who loves her.
  You are steppingÂ
  into the passenger side
  of your lover’s car
  having barely crossed the road.
3 In this photograph you are-
  Why did the drunk cross the road?
  In this photograph you are
  laughing at all the jokes.
  You are the joke in this photograph
  only now instead of laughterÂ
  your lover is angry.
  Drives you to drink, it does,
  all that anger directed in your direction
  when you’re just trying to deflect somethingÂ
  that no one can name yet
  because you are a year awayÂ
  from a stage one diagnosis.Â
4 In this photograph you are
  only aware of how much your body hurts
  not why it hurts or even where, just allÂ
  just every all over, just everyplace
  beneath the skin and your skin
  and your hair too.
5 In this photograph you are naked
  but your lover told you never toÂ
  contact them again,Â
  so you can’t ask them to delete it.
  In this photograph you are kissing.
  You can’t ask them anything anymoreÂ
  but you wonder if they remember when the pain startedÂ
  because you can’t remember anything but always
  and you don’t have the receiptsÂ
  for those glowing green bottles of Midori,
  the amber bottles, the peach Bellini.
6 In this photograph you areÂ
  putting your hand up
  saying stop.
Arden Eli Hill
Despite being from Louisiana, Arden has never wrestled an alligator, only a kangaroo. He is the author of Bloodwater Parish. Arden’s work has appeared in Willow Springs, Western Humanities Review, Tupelo Quarterly Disability Folio, About Place's Strange West's issue, the award-winning anthology First Person Queer, and its sequel. He has work forthcoming from Belfast Pride 2024. In case you are still thinking about the kangaroo, Arden won.
Comments